Road map through Metamorphosis

Part of Circle of Mentors Metamorphosis Series

Read intro article to this Series: Soul Journey through the Chrysalis



Interview with Magalie Bonneau, Former world-class sailor who woke up in the midst of a world championship after unconsciously suppressing for a decade her intuitive, soulful and connected side for the sake of keeping up a driven path towards mastery.

Collage art by Magalie Bonneau

What propelled your journey through metamorphosis?

M: During my forty + years of life, I have been through many soul initiations. Some have been intense and have lasted weeks, whereas others covered the span of a few years. Each one has been a catalyst for experiencing more freedom, deepening my sense of wholeness and relationship with Spirit, inner guidance and trust in life’s organic unfolding.

My first descent in my metamorphosis process came out of left field. Up until that moment, I had lived an amazing life by society’s standards. I was performing at my best, sailing in a world championship when a massive volcano erupted from the depths of my being. The timing couldn’t have been more inconvenient; I was 22 years old reaching the peak of my olympic sailing pursuit, when I was hit by a judgmental remark from my coach that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. All of the emotions that I had been unconsciously suppressing for years erupted. My inner protective shield that had allowed me to remain strong and ‘together’ for years rushed up like a geyser breaking ground under high pressure. I was flooded with a cathartic melt down that lasted 12 hours. Cracked wide open, I left my body for four days. From above, a veil was lifted. Suddenly, I saw clearly that the life I had been living dismissed my deeper, tender, intuitive and authentic humanity. It was as if I was watching a dream, recalling scenes of my childhood and teenage years where I saw a good girl shaped by a culture who had done all she could to fit in and rise to be her best self. Strangely, the film of my life felt disconnected, lonely and out of sync. My wild, intuitive, and sensitive soul had been suppressed by societal conditioning, as I gave my power away to the external world.

Up until then, I was unstoppable, effective, strong, positive, and focused. I got things done. I made things happen. I made things work. Life felt like a game I had learned to play through the lens of my smart ego. I was a self-made woman who lived the heroine’s journey I had dreamed of. Yet, I could not feel much as I was used to living so much in my head — preparing for the future or contemplating on the past. I was goal driven. Each moment informed by a certain agenda and projection. I protected my heart and didn’t let anyone in. My body had become a machine in service to my will. Unconsciously, I was dissociated from my sensitive, tender, visionary and attuned nature; the part of me that feels free, guided and loved by simply being fully present and embodied. Like a holy grail, an entire universe I could only access through surrender was awaiting to be discovered.

What is one practice, ritual or supportive space that has helped you cultivate a sense of faith & new possibility in times of unraveling?

M: Sitting by my altar quietly, I have made a practice of pulling oracle cards from Alana Fairchild’s Isis deck. When I feel disoriented in the maze of my monkey mind and disturbed emotional body, her timely, empowering and precise wisdom has been a lighthouse. I am forever grateful for having developed an intimate relationship with the Divine Feminine. She helped me unlock the sacred feminine within me. Through her transmissions, her embodied wisdom, faith, sense of sovereignty and resilience have been infused into every cell of my body. She always receives me regardless of what I’m going through and helps me remember who I am at my highest expression. As I meditate and engage in rituals she suggests in the deck, I transmute fear-based energies and connect to a much higher frequency rooted in love and faith. In ancient times, there were Mystery Schools. For me, Isis rituals and reflections have become my ‘mystery school’ for timeless and timely embodied wisdom.

What helps you settle your nervous system and centers you when it feels as though the ground beneath you is crumbling and your sense of identity dissolving?

M: I think what has been most helpful to me is slowing down whatever I’m doing. I mean, truly slow down to a point where I can unwind my nervous system, create inner space and see with a greater perspective what’s unfolding within and around me. I have discovered many practices that have helped me to transmute contraction, fear, grief, doubts and confusion. Yin Yoga, Qi Gong, authentic movement, slow barefoot forest bathing, and poetry writing have catalyzed wonders. Slowly and deeply reconnecting to my breath, to the earth and to my body have proven to be very beneficial. By allowing myself to feel the soles of my feet kissing the ground and slowly extending my limbs between earth and sky, my energy naturally comes back to a place of equilibrium and inner trust.

What lessons have you learned as you have descended into the dark chrysalis of your own metamorphosis, the state when who you’ve known yourself to be is dissolving and who you will become has yet to be revealed?

M: In the great descent, I learned to trust the remarkable power in surrendering. From that place, the space for a greater intelligence that knows what is in the best interest of my evolution and wellbeing begins to guide the way.

In my experience, allowing myself to feel what wants to be felt and released without judgment or holding anything back, has been so liberating. In the surrender, the ego must let go of its attachments; to its sense of identity, its stories and its familiar territories, to allow new dimensions and fresh perspectives to be revealed and internalized. I have found it helpful to invite poetry & metaphor to give expression to my feelings, as a means to find resolve between the diverse voices that grapple for air within my psyche. Making art and allowing myself to be danced deeply have also been graceful ways to engage in the unknown of the great descent and metamorphosis.

I have also learned that feeling stuck, filled with grief, anger or confusion is not only okay, but pave the way to liberation. Underlying each emotion and feeling there is a genuine need seeking to be acknowledged and met. Therefore, bringing curiosity and validation rather than judgment is so healing and enlightening. Ultimately, feeling it all slowly, fully and completely without shame or guilt is a revolutionary act of self-love. My Dancing Freedom teacher used to tell us: “there’s no way out but through.” By committing to being like water flowing through a river, I have allowed my body to naturally alchemize fear based stories and beliefs.

Cultivating a sense of safety and intentionality help set the favorable context to descend into the great unknown. Otherwise, the journey can feel a lot more discombobulating, even traumatic. Therefore being held by trusted soul guides, mentors, Mother Earth or the Great Mystery makes all the difference.

What north star is guiding you?

M: Over the years I have learned to trust that I am held by a shining North Star I call the Great Mystery. It knows my destiny and creates the perfect conditions to help me to become more whole, aware, awake, and on purpose moment to moment. Thousands of synchronicities I have experienced throughout my life have shown me that there is a greater play at work. Something beyond what my mind can make sense of (even when I try!) is unfolding. The universe has our back. It has our highest good at heart.

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